Selfish Illness
by FallingT
Summary: Set after the 1x06 - April has finaly the chance to take a breath and think about the day she's just been through, her thoughts lead her intothinking that maybe, being selfish is not such a bed thing after all.


Hi! this is my first ff about Chasing Life, let's hope not the last one as well!  
Enjoy the reading and, as always, the show and the characters do not belong to me.  
Bye～

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Selfish Illness

She had to admit it, breaking a few laws had been fun. She needed to revalue Leo: from the very first meeting with the guy she had got the worst opinion of him; a spoiled brat living on daddy's money. But now, after what she had seen and heard from him, well, she still thought he was an ass - a really big one, especially after his funny suicide prank - but somehow she could understand his point of view on his own illness. She didn't share his line of thoughts - she considered herself as a very mature and full grownup - but she knew he understood what she was going through.

He knew and he had tried to help her out on her constant anxiety without invading her will, which her mother was doing in that very moment. Removing her stuff from the bedroom to prevent any kind of illness before the start of the chemotherapy, invading her appointments with George...

April knew she was doing all that for her sake, that her mom was as tense as she and everybody else was and was trying to help in every way she could...yeah, she knew but still that bothered her nonetheless.

She was an adult, she was fully capable to make her own decisions. Even when said decisions were more than selfish.

" Screw that, I have cancer. I can afford to be selfish!" she thought, and for a second she felt like she was being possessed by whatever was going through Leo Hendrie's mind.

She was lying in her bed, feeling odd and a bit conflicted.

Leo had told her that the chemo, besides the well known consequences, brought with it another thing: infertility.

And that was the first thing she was worried about. Was it right to ignore such thing? Before the life of a future child she should have thought about her own, like her mother had tried to say to her earlier. And she wasn't wrong, of course. But April just didn't want to give up on her future, she still wanted to hold tight to her life and her hope. So she went ahead and got herself an appointment with a specialist.

The other thing going on in her head was all other matter; maybe not as important as the prospective of a future infertility, but still pushy since now every minute of her life counted.

Thinking about how insanely crazy her day had been she felt her lips crook in to a smile.

First the shooting with Leo little gag, then the motorbike, the amazing feeling of driving a freaking Maserati - god if that made her feel good and powerful, but most of all free - and then Leo's seizure. She really had thought for a split second that he was faking it to distract the cops from them actually stealing the damn thing, but then she remembered: he had brain tumor, there was nothing fake in that.

But before that, before the cops made them pull over, she saw it. She noticed how he was looking at her and it made her heart skip a beat. She didn't see the kiss coming though she had to acknowledge that a small part of her brain was hoping for it.

And that right there was her problem.

She was with Dominic, she shouldn't even have thought that, it was wrong.

Wrong indeed and against her ethic, but so had been having a relationship with a coworker and here she was.

Again, wrong. And again her brain remembered that Dominic didn't know and Leo did, which should have helped her.

It didn't. Because she was descending in the depth of confusion.

The next day Brenna asked her a question that made her think once again.

" Is it possible to like two people at the same time?"

April had answered that she didn't know, because she truly didn't.

Then, in the middle of the day a something struck her out of the blue: if she was so desperately determined to hold on her future, weren't all those things she had lost sleep to irrelevant? If she wanted something, a relationship with someone to last in time, wasn't pointless even thinking about Leo? He was terminal, he had just three or four months to live. It was surely not something that could offer her stability and certainties.

Suddenly she felt something warm trail down her cheek and she realized she was crying.

Maybe she really needed to start being selfish; if her cancer was why couldn't her be the same?

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Let me think what you think about this little thing!:D


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